What I need

There is a meme going around whereby you put your name followed by the word ‘needs’ into Google and see what it comes up with. You then take the first ten things and comment upon them.

I put in ‘Scriptor needs’ and, perhaps unsurprisingly, it only came up with ‘Scriptor needs an image’. Not much scope for playing when you’ve used a Latin name.... So I put in my real name and it told me I needed –

charisma
Gee thanks. That’s a wonderful way to start the day. Just because I’ve taken bits of computer off and half your innards are hanging out there is no need to be offensive.

badly to impress
The day is getting worse...

a map
That’s more like it. I love maps. I often used to read maps the same way people would read books - see my Thwaites posting for an example. The best bit of any geography lesson in school was when a map was handed out. I would tune out the drone of the teacher and read my map. Very symbol on the OS maps was a whole picture in my mind’s eye and the contours showed the landscape. I don’t know if you have ever seen the TV programme Time Team but I always find myself hoping Stewart Ainsworth (the landscape man) gets one over on the technological team.

help
OK. But what sort of help? I could do with a handyman right now but there is something slightly sinister about just saying I need help!

to be visible
Untrue. I much prefer being invisible. That way I get to see what humans and wildlife get up to when they are interacting with each other and not with me.

retraining
In what. Perhaps if I retrained I wouldn’t need help.

a helipad
I wouldn’t mind having enough property to have room for a helipad but unless it came complete with helicopter and chauffeur I’m not sure the helipad itself would be much use. Is there some visitor out there stuck in the sky because I haven’t got one?

support
That’s just like help – I’m not counting that one....

a hug
Don’t we alll.

thirteen bottles of water
Now that really is weird. I admit our tap water tastes pretty horrible – full of chlorine and flourine and all sorts of things, but why 13?

attention for his bloody head
Am I to take that literally? It’s not bleeding that I’m aware of but I did have a migraine coming on at 2 am. So I took some sumatripan – does that count as attention?

What do you need? Apart from the time to play silly games?