Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Sunday, 16 August 2009
Sunday, 9 August 2009
Those Hypothetical Questions....
Found over at Just Jen's blog:-
1. IS ATHEISM A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION?
2. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
3. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
4. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
5. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
6. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
7. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
8. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
9. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
10. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
11. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
12. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
13. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
14. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
15. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED READ?
16. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
17. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
18. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
19. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
20. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
21. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?
22. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASTEROIDS"?
23. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
24. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
1. IS ATHEISM A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION?
2. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
3. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
4. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
5. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
6. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
7. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
8. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
9. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
10. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
11. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
12. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
13. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
14. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
15. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED READ?
16. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
17. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
18. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
19. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
20. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
21. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?
22. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASTEROIDS"?
23. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
24. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
Saturday, 28 March 2009
What's for dinner?
Frank feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he talked to the family Doctor, to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there was a simple informal test the husband could perform, to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and, in a normal conversational speaking tone, see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet and so on, until you get a response.'
That evening, Frank's wife is in the kitchen, cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room, where he is about 20 feet from his wife, and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
(I just love this)
'Frank, for the FIFTH bloody time, CHICKEN!'
The Doctor told him there was a simple informal test the husband could perform, to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and, in a normal conversational speaking tone, see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet and so on, until you get a response.'
That evening, Frank's wife is in the kitchen, cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room, where he is about 20 feet from his wife, and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
(I just love this)
'Frank, for the FIFTH bloody time, CHICKEN!'
Saturday, 28 February 2009
Friday, 6 February 2009
Thursday, 2 October 2008
Wednesday, 20 August 2008
Overweight?
The Government could be right about obesity being a problem if this chap is anything to judge by!
Friday, 15 August 2008
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