Away (with the faeries)

I have been away.  I’m still away.  But I'm a bit less away than I was….

It seems to have been a very long time. I’m at least five years older than I was last month.  Earlier in June Partner-who-loves-tea took my body to Exeter for a week.  It spent most of the time lying in bed.   Meanwehile, my mind was away with the faeries.
 

It seems to havr been an endless revolving of pain and exhaustion.  Partner-who-loves-tea brought me home from Exeter.  I went back to bed.  I don’t know where my mind went.  I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt and assume it was on its own and not shacked up in a sleazy hotel room somewhere with another lost mind.

On Wednesday my mind came back – at least for a few hours.   But somewhere along the paths it has travelled it has lost the memory of which tap is the hot and which the cold; who The Beatle was whose surname began with H (I tried watching a quiz!); what you call a stopcock (I remembered at the end of trying to explain the hot water system to P-w-l-t because we have two more plumbing problems); and, of course, all the other usual things disappeared like what day of the week it is; where I have put my wallet and what on earth my password is on postcrossing…..  Fortunately I had the password written down.  I know that is supposed to defeat the idea of passwords but how else is one to cope with severe and erratic memory loss. As for forgetting what a stopcock is called that was just one of hundreds of examples of me being able to picture what I wanted to say and not coming out with the words.  A favourite trick when I was younger was to think of the French word and I could then translate that back.  Within the space of three weeks I seem to have totally lost my ability to think in French.  If that doesn’t come back I shall be really peed off!  

A friend recently asked if it was better to be confused and know it or be confused and not know it.   I think I'm beginning to err towards the latter.

If you don’t want to be bored by further details – too much information you’ll probably think - finish here and come back in a month’s time…..

My appetite has disappeared.  I've never been a big eater but what I've had the last few weeks wouldn't keep a sparrow going.  One day, while in Exeter, Daughter-who-takes-photos made a lovely lasagne that managed to tempt me to eat a little and Son-who-watches-films has resumed his usual role of dinner provider for me.  Last night, for the first time I managed enough of his chicken in mushroom sauce - one of my top ten of his recipes - to make his efforts vaguely worthwhile. 

 

Meanwhile my body is rejecting the concept of standing up and when I raise it into an upright position it falls over quite a lot.  Left, right, forwards, backwards - it’s happy in any position except straight up.  For three weeks any form of action was like trying to move through tar.  That has now improved – it’s like trying to move through treacle. At least I can open one eye and raise my arms above my head – well, almost above my head. 

None of this helps the concept of decorating that we started weeks ago. (Can I borrow about ten rooms somewhere to store the stuff that is blocking hallways?)  I’m about as much use as fart in McLaren’s wind tunnel.  Actually that might benefit them this season!  (Aha - sense of humour is returning.)  And talking of rear ends…  the nerves that warn me when I need the loo are on strike.  We’ve had one ‘accident’ last week and a lot of near things.  It’s just about the final humiliation and I am not a happy bunny.

My e-mail inbox is full.  I am just starting to work my way through it. Cancel that.  I have seen how many there are and given up starting (if you can do such a thing).

I have received lots of lovely postcards that I haven’t acknowledged properly. At least P-w-l-t was kind enough - and with-it enough - to register the postcrossing ones for me.  

As for trying to look at the computer screen, it doesn’t just hurt my eyes it makes my whole world go round.  I hope you appreciate what this effort of rambling today is costing me!!  But if I can’t complain to you who can I complain to???  Apart from P-w-l-t, of course.  The words 'patience' and 'saint ' come to mind.

I suppose I could wait until next week when I have to go for a medical assessment for the Dept. of Work and Pensions.  Ho, ho, ho.  As the letter constantlky threatens, if I don’t go they stop all my benefits.  Assuming I still feel like this and am unable to go because I’m too ill it makes something of a mockery of the system.  Go and you are presumably fit to work so they can stop your benefits.  Don’t go and they stop your benefits.  Now it is the phrase 'Catch 22' that comes to mind.  See, I do have some mind left after all.  I’m not sure this was in Beveridge’s original plans for a welfare state!  Oh yes, as you may have guessed I’m pretty depressed at the moment as well.  

After another very hot sunny day I managed to water the garden last night (thank Heaven for GB’s hose reel!)  It urinated down all night.  

Ivy’s contribution to all this – fleas.  Fleas with bites that a Doberman would be proud of!  (Mulling it over in bed I had some lovely ideas for illustrating this sentence but can’t find the energy to look for the photo I need…)  Fortunately that seems to have been dealt with.  No cats were harmed in the making of this e-mail...

So my apologies if it is a little while before I get around to personal communication again.  Waiting for Mens sana in corpore sano (whose motto was that?) and consoling myself that I still have some Latin.  I just need an ancient Roman to chat to.

I wonder if I’ll feel better for getting all that off my chest or just guilty for boring you again?  Almost certainly the latter - assuming anyone actually bothers to read to the end.  I wouldn’t if I were you.  Go back to half way and pretend you just moved on to another blog….