Saturday, 21 January 2012

Cannot (never mind 'Do Not') Resuscitate

(Written on the laptop of Partner-who-loves-tea)

O.K., smile everyone. Laugh if you will. Or “Tut, tut,” at how my article about the great God DataTransfer was blasphemous. I don't mind how you react. I won't be able to read your comments yet awhile. My laptop has stopped working. It won't produce a boot signal at all. It's dead. Kaput. Mort. Strongly resembles an ER ward in a power cut. Not a single light or bleep. Cannot (never mind 'Do Not') Resuscitate.

Partner-who-loves-tea thinks that it's hilarious in the light of my diatribe against DataTransfer. I think she should be struck off her therapy registers. Where is the empathy? What happened to 'So how do you feel about this?' It's all she can do to stop the tears of hilarity from streaming down her cheeks.

It probably doesn't help that I've just finished reading Sarah Winman's wonderful novel “When God was a Rabbit”.

Anyone want a twelve month old laptop with no signs of life? And an ex-partner, ditto, which is what will happen if she doesn't stop saying, 'Sorry,' hiccup, giggle, 'can't help it!'

I know. I broke the Seventh Commandment and took “the name of the Lord thy God in vain”. Sorry to both Him and HIM but I suppose it's too late for that....


  1. Are you sure it's plugged into the power?

  2. My (work) laptop went dead on me this summer, and I had certainly NOT used it to blog about (or against) Data Transfer, so I seriously doubt your blog had anything to do with it... still, it is quite a funny coincidence, and I do sympathize with both your partner for seeing the hilarious side of it, and with you for having to make do without your own laptop for the time being.

  3. Sadly, yes, Adrian. I fibbed when I said there were no lights on - the power and battery charging lights come on!

  4. I think I have to stick with my (Anoia) theory from my comment to the other post... which I now almost don't dare to acknowledge. Have you tried rattling it and crying?

    I just put my computer on Complete Backup, just in case...

  5. It is a funny coincidence that your laptop crashed right when you blasted technology. :) Is your laptop still under warranty?? Curiously, all the electronic equipments have a way of crashing right when the warranty expires and the buggers charge so much even when they know there is something basically wrong with the model itself, I have started to ramble :)) Good luck with your recovery, Cheers!

  6. Beware the wrath of Data Transfer. Console yourself - others will benefit from your experience! (Really, it is toooo funny!)

  7. Sorry John - I am with Jo on this one - I think it is just sooooooo funny! Just be careful what you moan about in future.

    I read "When God was a Rabbit" about 6 weeks ago. It was a book that I plucked off Graham's bookshelf one wet and windy day when there was not much else to do except curl up with a book. I could not put it down and read it cover to cover in just over a day! Needless to say, it was mighty quiet in our household!!

  8. Do you get any beeps or do the lights flash in a pattern when you turn it on?

    If you know the model of the laptop then any beeps or flashing lights should translate to a post message from the bios which should tell you something about the problem.

    If it just turns on then on then off without doing anything at all I'd assume the cpu fan has failed, or gunked up enough so it won't spin. Most computers won't do anything if the cpu fan is bust because within about 10 seconds it will have completely fried the cpu. Try compressed air into any vents, or if that isn't an option a vacuum to see what you can dislodge.

  9. Monica, I haven't tried rattling but I've tried the crying. I think the tears on the keyboard may have just exacerbated the problem!

    Librarian, Pauline... I might have expected it from Spesh but you thinking it funny as well. I'm going off you! (Not really.) :-)

    Spesh - I was too tired to finish it in one go - a night had to intervene - but on my book blog I said (or will say - I think it's scheduled) that it is a book which defines the cliche unputdownable.

    Ruby - yes - the guarantee has just expired. Of course.

    Mark - thank heaven for someone with a positive suggestion. I have a compressed air can for cleaning keyboards etc so I'll try that first, then the vacuum, then having a look at the fan if they don't work.

    Ah, GB. Someone with heartfelt sympathy. I do love my big brother.


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