Thursday, 17 July 2014

I’m back



I’m back
I hope !
Posts may be a bit infrequent for a while but with good fortune and a following wind Scriptor Senex has the writing bug again.

  
A banana a day keeps the doctor away…
For fifteen days at the end of June, start of July, I lay in bed and hardly moved.  I didn’t read. I didn’t listen to music.  I just lay there, in pain, exhausted and depressed.  Gradually over the last few days I have picked myself up again.   But this is what it feels like.


And the steamroller stays on you.  It just lies on top of you defying your every effort to move until you finally give up and accept you aren’t getting up again.  Somehow the basic instinct not to wet or dirty the bed survives (thank Heaven) and you pull yourself along the wall to the toilet when you need it.  I tried having a bath a few times to see if that would enervate me but just ended up back in bed.

Then one day I went out into the garden in the early morning.  I was dizzy and disorientated, being up for the first time for over a fortnight.  I can’t recall how I managed to get up and ended up in the garden.  But the sun was just rising, the birds were singing and the garden was flourishing with flowers that hadn’t been out when I my body packed up in June.  I sat on the patio and dead-headed some of the flowers in the pots there.  Partner-who-loves-tea arrived with a cup of tea and life suddenly seemed a bit more copeable with.  (I know there is no such word as copeable, thank you Spillchucker, but it suits me to invent it for this purpose!)

 Since then I have een my counsellor.  I have had coffee out.  I have been to a garden centre and bought some plants and bird foods (retail therapy!).



 Passion Flower and Solanum – 
climbers for the new arch through the natural hedge.

And, more importantly in terms of contribution to the household, I have put a couple of washes on and dried the clothes in the garden on our new rotary airer.   Who knows what I might get up to tomorrow?

Richard was happy to cook me a dinner every day and although I did try to eat it I just found the effort too much on many days.  A shame after his kindness and hard work but I ended up living on bananas.  They are so easy to eat.  No effort involved though I did (seriously) find it hard to peel one of them!  I have now discovered that according to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.  An article in The Mind Unleashed in February 2014 gave a lot of other ways in which bananas can benefit your health.  It’s a shame that Jo is allergic to them!  Especially since Richard uses the juicer to make a super ice-cream-like dessert that is composed purely of banana.

Best wishes
During my time off-line I have had many good wishes in many forms from friends far and wide.  Postcards have arrived with cheering themes and messages.  Who could not smile when this arrived from Katya in Ukraine?



E-mails arrived and although most were not read until a day or so ago I already knew the people writing them would have done so.  It’s very humbling that folk from as far and wide as Barbados and Bulgaria were thinking of me.

And Washington Bear arrived.  He joins Teddy who has no name other than Teddy but is a much loved chap who sits on the landing watching us pass to and fro.   Teddy was a present from Jo a few years ago after I had commented that I had always wanted a teddy and could not recall ever having one.  This is Washington.   



As Washington’s donor said ‘Who can look at a teddy and not smile?’

He sits on my chair downstairs and helps me read the postcards.  At first I was a bit concerned that he couldn’t read properly but we’ve since discovered he’s slightly short-sighted.



One of the e-mails that affected me most is self-explanatory –

Dear John,
You don't know me. I just discovered your blog "Rambles from my Chair" while researching the line "Twould ring the bells of Heaven". I'd been re-reading the Armand Gamache series by Louise Penny, a Canadian writer, who used it in one of her books. (I learn more new things this way!)
Anyway, I subscribed to your blog and was sorry that my first receipt was "I'm Offline." I can't pretend to know what you are going through. We all go through "it" but the forms vary and you are visiting some hard times. I just wanted you be aware that I wish you well and will hold you in my thoughts. The world is such a rough place both physically and psychologically. But remember that our world is also in a state of constant flux so bad times change (eventually) into something else. Compassion and caring are out there.
No need to reply. Just wanted you to know that someone in the US is wishing you well.

Just reading that again as I put it in this blog posting makes my body tingle.  There are some very caring people out there!


So thank you everyone and I shall try not to worry you again for a while…

22 comments:

  1. So very glad to have you back, John.
    xo, McGregor

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    1. Thanks, to you and everyone who expressed concern. It has been much appreciated.

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  2. Good to see you back John.
    I hope that you manage to stay back.
    Good luck.

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  3. That's two pleasant surprises in less than 24 hours for me! Last night, I came home and found my exams results in the mailbox (after I was told I would have to wait six weeks in all, and only 2 1/2 have passed). I did not come off as brilliant as I really am, but can be reasonably happy with the results.
    And now, I just said down with my morning coffee before work and found this post of yours. Welcome back, John!
    Although I neither sent you a postcard nor an email during your offline time, in two different posts I included mailboxes for you. No rush to find them, just take your time - they won't disappear from my blog anytime soon.

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    1. Well done, and I'm glad you didn't have to wait. To describe my return to Blogdom as a pleasant surprise gave me a little thrill - thank you.

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  4. It's good to see you back in print Bruv.

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  5. That has made my day. Sooooooooo happy that you have found some "sunshine" and long may it continue to shine I don't need to say more to you my friend do I? Much love to you and to dear Jo. x

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. So sorry that our change of plans mean we won't be visiting you this summer. C'est la vie.

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  6. I am sooooo HAPPY to see you.....whether you're back every day or just one day a week.....I am HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY that you're back.
    Yes the sunshine makes you feel better and especially if surrounded by the beauty of the garden.
    At least you visited the garden centre, a ritual that I have avoided for several months now because of my addiction to new plants.
    The Dear John email from "someone in the US" made me shed a tear, some folks are so kind...you have a new friend.

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    1. What a lovely comment - thanks so much Vee.

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  7. Can't begin to imagine what you're going through, but glad to hear you're starting to get better, miss your Blog very much.

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  8. John, I spend little time reading blogs because of my firbromyalgia pain so I missed that you were going through such tough times. I am so glad that you are venturing forth once again. I have tried to delete some blogs that I no longer care to follow so that I can see the ones I like without scrolling from here to way out there, but I see no resulting end to their coming to me.

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  9. Know that you and your beloved Partner-who-loves-tea have been in my prayers daily, and will continue to be.

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  10. So good to see your posts again. We really missed you. So glad that bananas help. I must get some next time I am out. Washington looks very smart in his new reading glasses by the way. So glad that his reading problems were so easily solved. Much love to all of you, xoxox Carol

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  11. Good to see you back again, John. Hope the sunshine stays in your life.

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  12. You, my dear, are a very well respected and loved creation. I am SO happy to hear that you're feeling a little more like yourself, and able to cope with the enduring uncomfort. I am a bystander of what you're going through, as you know...with my dad. It's so tough, not being able to make it better for him (for you), but know, truly know that we don't expect you to perform - we just want you to know that we love you and will be here for you...to make you smile, if we're able to...to show you love, of which we all are in need of. You are an amazing person, John. I am so extremely blessed that you are one of my very first friends found as I stepped out into the world of blogging. I've learned much through you, that I will always cherish. The words from a person you don't know were precious, I can see why you felt that appreciation. Blessings of the heart! And...I LOVE your word, totally understood it and didn't know it wasn't a word by someone elses most important titling to make it so. I believe we all have right to make a word, a word...punctuate or not, if we want to (but that really is kind of an important matter, I mean...I wouldn't want someone to think I ate my grandpa after reading this: "Let's eat Grandpa." When I should have written in my comma properly: "Let's eat, Grandpa.")

    Love to you!!!! And, hope to make you smile soon!

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  13. I'm so glad you're back on your feet and able to enjoy your garden, and even finding inspiration to blog again. I love that "writing bug" picture - in spite of not being all that fond of bugs in general... :)

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  14. So glad you're back! I've had ups and downs during your absence. Very familiar with the terms tryptophan and serotonin. Experienced a spate of serotonin syndrome once because of mixed medication. Now THAT was scary. The one thing I keep telling myself in the bad times is that it WILL end even if I don't think it will. Keep on keeping on. Just glad to see you back.

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    1. thanks Chris. I think one of the scary things about this last bout was that it seemed like it would never end so your advice is quite pertinent.

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  15. Welcome back! {{{{{{{{More hugs from the US of A!}}}}}}}}

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  16. I wasn't reading blogs for a while. Was unemployed for 6 months. I've been prone to some degree of depression since I was about 10 years old. Now I am ministering in a church again and feel better, less insane, but very busy taking it all in. I am glad you are doing so much better. In America, we have a word like copeable but it's do-able.

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  17. Dear John, I was absent from blogging for awhile, so I just discovered that you hadn't been doing well for a while. I am so sorry! It sounds like you don't just suffer from depression, but also nerve pain - that sounds so debilitating. I only had serious depression once and I remember it paralyzing my life for quite a few months. I am happy you are feeling better and are enjoying your garden and food again. Thank goodness for bananas - I put one in our morning shake every day - to help with stress and happiness. :) Thinking of you!! xoxo Silke

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